Upon hearing that his good friend, Lance Armstrong, lost his testicles to cancer, Chuck Norris donated one of his to Lance. With just one of Chuck`s nuts, Lance was able to win the Tour De France seven times. By the way, Chuck still has two testicles; eit

It is impossible to be raped by Chuck Norris because that would mean you did not want it to happen.

Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murdered in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not ``attempt`` murder. 74 6.

The last digit of pi is Chuck Norris. He is the end of all things.

Chuck Norris used to beat the shit out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Rosa Parks refused to get out of her seat because she was saving it for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.

Chuck Norris once finished ``The Song that Never Ends``.

M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris can touch this.

When God said, ``Let there be light``, Chuck Norris said, ``say please.``

The quickest way to a man`s heart is with Chuck Norris`s fist.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

A rogue squirrel once challenged Chuck Norris to a nut hunt around the park. Before beginning, Chuck simply dropped his pants, instantly killing the squirrel and 3 small children. Chuck knows you can`t find bigger, better nuts than that.

Chuck Norris doesn`t need a miracle in order to split the ocean. He just walks in and the water gets the fuck out of the way.